One of those days
Ever have one of those days where you just feel fat, bloated, ugly, and disgusted? Today is one of those days.
Usually, people around you wouldn’t be able to tell that you’d gained weight or that you feel bloated and horrible about yourself (other than the fact that you’re wearing the shittiest expression ever possible), but you know that you have cuz you know your own body and you can just SEE it and FEEL it. All the excessiveness. Blech.
And then you feel even more lathargic to do anything about it. You just sulk. This is how I’ve been spending my Friday at work, sulking in front of the computer at my desk. TGIF.
I don’t know if I’m too naive or if my mother’s too paranoid.
She believes that just because we are in a long distance relationship and that we don’t see each other every single minute of every single day, that he is possibly cheating on me. Or dating someone else at the same time.
Now I can’t say that that thought has never crossed my mind. But I choose to believe him. And honestly, she is way too overprotective. She will think that I am oblivious to the concerns that she has. She will think up situations where he would be doing me wrong. I call this paranoia and lack of trust.
Just the other day I mentioned to her that Mr. A has just finished his thesis, but his adviser is too busy at the moment to read through it (as he is in Japan attending some important international conference). My mother, being the paranoid protective mother that she is, comes to me and says, “Have you ever thought that that could be an excuse he made up?”
Me: Uh….(thinking: shit, here it goes again)….excuse for what?
Mom: Don’t you think he is just stringing you along?
Me: No, and I don’t have a reason to believe that.
Mom: *starts to get huffy and puffy* You’re not getting any younger, you know.
Me: *starts to get hot and irritated* I know, but that’s my problem, not yours.
And then it was another intense “chat” about my relationship with Mr. A. I’m so over this. Seriously, she needs to cut me some slack. Maybe I need to sit her down and let her know that maybe…just possibly in the future, that Mr. A and I might take it to another level. Oh boy am I looking forward to that conversation. Might as well just dig my eyeballs out with a spoon. Ugh.
Randomness
So…after 2 years, 5 months and 17 days of this LDR thing, we are still 6117.44 miles or 9844.80 kilometres apart and not getting anywhere closer to being together.
On top of that, my mom still opposes us.
Mr. A comes visit every summer, each visit lasts at least two weeks, and he stays at our place every time. I’m not 100% sure why she hasn’t warmed up to him in the least bit. In fact, she is probably even more against us than initially. Oh Lord. As if the distance isn’t hard enough.
We communicate on a daily basis, whether be it through text messages, emails, instant messages, or skype. We’re both not fans of speaking on the phone because, for one thing, I’m not a phone person in general…and for another, it’s bloody expensive. We have enough trust and faith in each other and that perhaps, just maybe, the relationship might work.
Sometimes we can’t stand each other and have a screaming fit (me usually-and maybe that is why my mom thinks he treats me badly? I brought this onto myself). We both have our flaws, but who doesn’t. I guess what I’m worried about is that it may be the distance that is actually making our relationship work. Now wouldn’t that be sad?
There really is no point to this post. I guess all I wanted to say was…I’m starting to wonder where all this is going.
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
This is why I hate being a woman sometimes…
PMA and PMD.
PMA = Pre-Menstrual Anxiety
PMD = Post-Menstrual Depression
Really, you boys are blessed without that every 30 days.
The Four Agreements
I met up with a few friends yesterday for a girlie brunch at Shida’s Salt Peanuts.
Preciously Stoned 