Usually, people around you wouldn’t be able to tell that you’d gained weight or that you feel bloated and horrible about yourself (other than the fact that you’re wearing the shittiest expression ever possible), but you know that you have cuz you know your own body and you can just SEE it and FEEL it. All the excessiveness. Blech.

And then you feel even more lathargic to do anything about it. You just sulk. This is how I’ve been spending my Friday at work, sulking in front of the computer at my desk. TGIF.

She believes that just because we are in a long distance relationship and that we don’t see each other every single minute of every single day, that he is possibly cheating on me. Or dating someone else at the same time.

Now I can’t say that that thought has never crossed my mind. But I choose to believe him.  And honestly, she is way too overprotective.  She will think that I am oblivious to the concerns that she has. She will think up situations where he would be doing me wrong. I call this paranoia and lack of trust.

Just the other day I mentioned to her that Mr. A has just finished his thesis, but his adviser is too busy at the moment to read through it (as he is in Japan attending some important international conference). My mother, being the paranoid protective mother that she is, comes to me and says, “Have you ever thought that that could be an excuse he made up?”

Me: Uh….(thinking: shit, here it goes again)….excuse for what?

Mom: Don’t you think he is just stringing you along?

Me: No, and I don’t have a reason to believe that.

Mom: *starts to get huffy and puffy* You’re not getting any younger, you know.

Me: *starts to get hot and irritated* I know, but that’s my problem, not yours.

And then it was another intense “chat” about my relationship with Mr. A. I’m so over this. Seriously, she needs to cut me some slack. Maybe I need to sit her down and let her know that maybe…just possibly in the future, that Mr. A and I might take it to another level. Oh boy am I looking forward to that conversation. Might as well just dig my eyeballs out with a spoon. Ugh.

On top of that, my mom still opposes us.

Mr. A comes visit every summer, each visit lasts at least two weeks, and he stays at our place every time. I’m not 100% sure why she hasn’t warmed up to him in the least bit. In fact, she is probably even more against us than initially. Oh Lord. As if the distance isn’t hard enough.

We communicate on a daily basis, whether be it through text messages, emails, instant messages, or skype. We’re both not fans of speaking on the phone because, for one thing, I’m not a phone person in general…and for another, it’s bloody expensive. We have enough trust and faith in each other and that perhaps, just maybe, the relationship might work. 

Sometimes we can’t stand each other and have a screaming fit (me usually-and maybe that is why my mom thinks he treats me badly?  I brought this onto myself). We both have our flaws, but who doesn’t. I guess what I’m worried about is that it may be the distance that is actually making our relationship work. Now wouldn’t that be sad?

There really is no point to this post. I guess all I wanted to say was…I’m starting to wonder where all this is going.

PMA = Pre-Menstrual Anxiety

PMD = Post-Menstrual Depression

Really, you boys are blessed without that every 30 days.

I don’t see these girls very often, but everytime I do, we have a blast.  When more than 3 girls get together (say 5), we can make a ruckus and annoy the hell outta other people in the restaurant.

But also, I always walk away (with a smile) having learned something new. Through recommendation of Anne, I would like to share with you the Four Agreements.

The Four Agreements is a book written by Mexican writer and Shaman, Don Miguel Ángel Ruiz. Its full title is “The Four Agreements: A Guide to Personal Wisdom”.

One

Be impeccable with your word.

• Speak with integrity.
• Say only what you mean.
• Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
• Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Two

Don’t take anything personally.

• Nothing others do is because of you.
• What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
• When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Three

Don’t make assumptions.

• Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
• Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.

Four

Always do your best.

• Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.
• Under any circumstances, do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

So there you have it, follow these agreements, and you will create a stress-free and all around perfect life!

Just kidding. The point is to follow these rules generally, not fanatically. As I always say, anything in extreme will eventually become bad no matter how good they are in nature. Balance is key.

by Mr. A

One of my favorite pieces.